After a period of travelling, I found home in Portugal, in particular Ericeira, a little fishing village along the coastline of Portugal. I never expected to feel so at home here, everything fell so easily into place, I had to stay here. I feel like I can be exactly who I am meant and need to be here.
When I leave my house, I still need to pinch myself, seeing the ocean directly in front of me while taking in a fresh breeze of ocean air. Is this really where I live? Looking back at my life before all these changes, I wonder sometimes where I found the courage to change it all so drastically.
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” – Brene brown
Up until 7 years ago, at the age of 28 my life was happening in Amsterdam, I had a nice home, a good relationship, a career in a creative start up – all that I needed, right? I started to feel that I was missing something, something profound and deep, I couldn’t put words to it but felt a missing deeper meaning. I tried to ignore that voice, kept on playing the game as I had always done, but after awhile, from one day to the other, I burned out. Emotional discomfort turned into physical discomfort when I didn’t listen to my heart speaking up to me. I remember all the sensations in my body so clearly, feeling my heartbeat so loud and my breath so shallow, it was suddenly hard to breath normally. Just a complete state of panic within me, all the time.
I found a safe haven in a yoga studio, yin yoga finally made me release so many tears, work through all these emotions that were long held in my body. I didn’t know I was holding so much within me until I gave it the space to be there, witnessed and released. I didn’t even know why I was so sad, but at least it gave me a space to reconnect, witness my own struggling and listen quietly. I took a holiday for myself to have some more distance from my normal life, this gave me the necessary signs and eye-openers that it was time to make some changes. I remembered I was still on the medicine they gave me to regulate my heartbeat, thankfully in this holiday I could feel it was time to stop the medicine. When I came back from this holiday, I broke up with my (amazing) partner, quit my job, left my house and gave almost all my belongings away. The craziest decisions I ever made within a few days, but I was sure, so sure. No more attachments, no more strings attached to me, everything aside, just me. I had no answers or plan, but felt lighter and more free then ever before. What surprised me most was that it was not as scary as I thought it would be.
“When it hurts, observe, life is trying to teach you something.”
I started feeling better and better, my burn-out symptoms were dissolving over time. As I had already had a long break from working by then, I did feel like I wanted to work again. But it had to be something completely different. In this period I found myself regularly on a beach in the Netherlands, called ‘Wijk aan Zee’. In one of the surfy beach restaurants I asked for a job and I could start right away. I loved the team vibe and was surrounded with colourful people that were living life differently. I felt at home and accepted for exactly who I was.
After this summer full of sun, laughter, shared hard work, I got inspired to travel to the other side of the world; New Zealand. It was love at first sight with Raglan, a little surfy village, the relaxed vibe, like minded people living an alternative and simple lifestyle, the rough coastline. I just stayed there. For a while I was living from tent to shed, to my car and housesitting other peoples houses. How little I needed to be deeply happy inside. It was in one of the many surf sessions that I realised, if I can be this happy from just living my life more simple, then what else can there be possibly more to look for? Isn’t this what life is about?
Off course I didn’t want to go back. But after this year, I did came back to the Netherlands, to spend time with my family and my new born nephew. Meanwhile I tried to figure out my path, my next move, but I was struggling, so confused and actually quite depressed. I changed so much, but could I be that person here, in my so-called home, as well? I didn’t know it was gonna be so hard to be the ‘me’ I changed into around the people I love the most. So many life questions and big shifts in what I thought was important to me. I went from a big high into a deep low. I couldn’t find that same deeper understanding anymore.
“The things you are passionate about are not random – they are your calling.”
I realised New Zealand was just the start of my journey. Yoga and surfing changed my whole view of life, it made me so much stronger, open and humble at the same time. To be out there in the ocean, on your own, it’s so easy to loose yourself there. I had to deal with my fears, doubts, insecurity’s, frustrations and face them, no more hiding.
I left on another trip to Bali. Nourished myself with lots of surf, yoga and good food. One of my best friends from New Zealand also came and that really helped me feeling the same again. A long silent retreat in Bali helped me to feel so at home within myself, I had the time to sit with everything that had happened, it gave me so much strength and insights. I pulled a powerful card from a deck and have let it guide me:
“The Princess of Staves, a fiery-haired young woman crowned with a circle of gold, vows to be as stalwart as the rocks surrounding her. About to reach all of life’s fullness, and embracing all of its possibilities, she glorifies Freyja’s values of beauty and hard work. The Princess of Staves’ ability to go forward with her work exemplifies the quality of confidence at its best. The ability to create beauty that has use in the world. Energy, integrity, and creativity. New ideas or ventures that must be acted upon immediately. A young woman who inspires others to live this mission.”
While I was there in Bali, my sister and mother called me to ask if and where I wanted to go on a holiday together. I was sure I wanted to share my love for surfing with my then 8 year old nephew. I chose intuitively for Ericeira in Portugal, as this town had come up a few times as little signals. Here I started teaching him surf, this came so naturally to me, I was literally like a fish in the water. One sunset, it was just me and my nephew in the water, he looked at me and said; this is what matters right? It made me intensely happy that we could share these moments together and that he understood the deeper meaning of life, at the age of 8!
My family went back to the Netherlands, but I stayed. While I was considering to go on a tour along the coastline, I got offered a job as a surf teacher in Ericeira. They had seen me passionately teaching my nephew. I couldn’t believe it, this offer came so unexpected, something in me was a bit uncomfortable with the idea of being in front of a group, but I decided to say yes and just try it. But wow, did it feel good to share this love for surfing with others in a way that I didn’t know was possible. This was not just about learning somebody how to surf, it was more and deeper. I just knew, ahh, this was what I was meant to do.
Your soul doesn’t care about what you do for a living. Your soul cares only about what you are being while you are doing whatever you are doing. Are you going to be in a place called love or fear?
That’s the beginning of my life in Ericeira. I gave teaching surf my all that summer and it gave me so much in return. I never knew how much I enjoyed taking care of a group, making them feel comfortable and safe. I was making a difference in their holiday and because of their genuine gratitude they were making a difference in my life path as well. In the winter I decided to go deeper into the art of teaching by joining a yoga teacher training from Emily Kuser in Bali. I knew I was gonna be confronted with more suppressed emotions, more vulnerability, more cracking open, but I felt ready for it.
This training was a container full of love and safety, I came out of my comfort zone and started using my voice, trusting and listening to my body, I experienced the biggest emotional and physical releases. I surrendered and went all in. On the last day of the training, I had to teach my exam class, I remember everything in me wanted to turn around, walk away and not do it. But I did, I felt a similar experience as in teaching surf. With my energy, my words, my guidance, I created a space where people could feel deeply, reconnect, come home, re-find love for themselves.
There is nothing I love more than touch, so I used my hands a lot in my yoga classes. Many times people would ask me afterwards, ‘what did you do, your hands are magic’. Curious to what I could do with my touch, I joined a deep relaxation massage course. A new level of understanding came to me, understanding more and more that this bodywork is really just energy work and assistance in how to connect with your self, your full potential. While I was following this course, my incredible Ayurvedic friend and teacher Tory Hyndham let me taste from a more energetic approach, called Ayurvedic Marma Therapy. This gave me a much deeper insight into everything that goes beyond the simple act of skin to skin contact.
There is a hunger inside of me, to squeeze more out of life, to reach a higher state of health and happiness, to create more, to feel more, to become my best self.
One thing lead to another and in the next winter period I got the chance to join a training from Tory Hyndham in Ayurveda. Ayurveda allowed me to create a lifestyle where I can draw in all of the good, and radiate it back out so that I can share it with others. I understand my spiritual being, body, digestion, behaviour and mind on a higher level. The importance of taking care of yourself first, with your lifestyle, routines, herbs, oils, food, books, yoga, pranayama’s, mantra’s, mudra’s and meditation. Giving back with that which is naturally available to us. All with the purpose to make you feel happier inside and outside and being able to handle those tougher periods in life.
Combining the Ayurvedic Marma Therapy with a relaxation massage, has made the whole experience so much deeper, intimate and more profound. To give, connect and transmit spiritually and energetically with my hands is just simply when I feel most in tune with my true nature and purpose.
Since this year I am studying Herbalism. My believe and faith in healing and preventing illness naturally with herbs is strong, it really is an integral part of taking care of myself. By studying and practicing herbs I feel more connected to the natural world and all that is has to offer us. The knowledge of ancestral cultures is so valuable and it could so easily become lost and forgotten with all the Traditional Medicine being out there. I amaze myself in wonder how much I am learning and experiencing from herbs and what they could mean for us if we just knew how and when to use them.
And here I am, after 7 years still in Portugal, doing what I really love to do, and nothing else. Sometimes I have these moments that I suddenly think, ‘how did I end up here?. I can’t be more grateful for everything I have learned and everything I am learning. I am grateful for my life before I drastically changed it and my life after this change. I can deeply miss my family and friends from the Netherlands, but also have felt a stronger connection with all of them. We don’t take our time together for granted and I am forever grateful to have noticed also the shifts in them, little ripples going out to those around me, I hope to always inspire them to live life, a little less busy, simple and in touch.
Thank you for reading if you have made it this far.
Hope to meet you one day!
With a lot of love and light,
Lisanne
